2010-THE SUMMER OF RE-INVENTION
A GLIMPSE INTO THE LIFE OF A FORTY SOMETHING DANCER
So, you’re a dancer in your thirties or possibly even in
your forties, now what? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself for the
better part of fourteen years. Given that I’ve been working in the dance
industry for over twenty eight years, it’s been a personal dilemma of mine and
no doubt a question any dancer will ask themselves one day if they choose to
stay in the entertainment business.
From a very young age I had always felt that as much as I
chose to be in this business, that the business had in fact chosen me. From the
time I was a small child I knew I had wanted nothing more than to dance. I
would spend countless hours in front of the television watching old Gene Kelly
and Fred Astaire movies, imagining one day, that would be me, dancing and
singing and having a ball! In my childlike imagination I had also become rich
doing this. Well…without stating the obvious two out of three ain’t bad. I got
out there, trained very hard, overcame numerous obstacles, and became a
professional dancer. Now at forty six years of age, I’m still enjoying working
in this crazy, wonderful, roller coaster of a business. Never did I think it
would last this long. There was a time in my thirties that every time I had
entertained the idea of leaving the business, I would book another job. It
seemed that no matter what, life was telling me to stay put.
At the age of thirty nine I was auditioning for Stratford
Festival’s production of Guys And Dolls. I had always prided myself on keeping
up with my training and even at that age was dancing well. At the stage of the
audition when the choreographer had asked to see our tricks, (and upon the
completion of my double tour’s which I had performed flawlessly), a person on
the audition panel had asked my age. ( Please note, it was very clear that I
was the oldest dancer auditioning.) Never being one to hold back I replied, “I’m
thirty nine and can land my tours any way you’d like.” It was then that the
whole room of twenty something dancers erupted in spontaneous applause. Make no
mistake, the applause was genuine and at first was flattered…until I realized
that it wasn’t my double tours that brought on this unsolicited ovation, it was
the fact that I was the age I was, and could still do what I do. I had many
young dancers come to me that day and say to me “I hope that when I’m your age
I dance as well as you.” Always maintaining a certain amount of ego I thought,
“well…you better get to class, because really…most of you don’t dance as well
as me now.” (Okay...more ego than neccessary.) It was that moment it hit me, I had become what I’d feared the
most. I had become ‘The Oldest Chorus Boy “ in Toronto. Life, always having a
way of humbling oneself was telling me it’s time to move on. It was then I decided that it was time
for a change.
At the ripe old age of thirty nine I decided to hang up my
dancing shoes and pull myself out of auditioning for musical theatre. Most all
of my peers had moved into other areas of the business or had since retired and
I felt that maybe it’s time I followed their lead. Given that dancing was my
main strength, I realized that I just didn’t fit in with the new crop of
dancers coming up. Although I was in good shape, I looked older, danced with a
different maturity, and stuck out for all the wrong reasons.
I had always
taught since I was in my teens and began focusing on that. I had enjoyed a high
level of success as a teacher in the past and would continue to do so on a more
committed level. I still managed to book the odd job in film and television and
was enjoying my new direction and the new opportunities that life was
presenting to me. I was teaching at two colleges, choreographing main stage
shows for both, booking the odd bit of film and television, and had also
started to write. An activity that to this day still brings me joy.
Throughout my whole career I had also done what many do in
our business. I was a server in a bar/bistro. Although the job had given me a
lot of much needed flexibility, I had started to wonder, “Is this it? Life for
the most part, was good, but I still felt that something was missing, that a
piece of the puzzle, a.k.a. my life, didn’t quite fit. Although these new
opportunities were great, they were all very part time and that somehow a piece
of me was left back at that fateful audition that for better or worse, had
changed the direction of my life.
Bottom line, I
was in a rut, worried that I was going to end up a part time dance teacher and
a full time waiter. That life as I knew it was going to end with me serving up
mediocre Pad Thai while teaching pirouettes on the side. Noooooooooooooooooo!
There had to be more to my life than that? All those years of training and
performing, all the knowledge and experience I had garnered couldn’t wind up
with me pulling pints at a watering hole for the uninspired. It just couldn’t.
At the age of forty four my agent, (a wonderful man who had
stuck with me through thick and thin and the occasional neurotic meltdown), had
come to me with a proposition. He had wanted to submit me for Mirvish
Production’s The Sound Of Music. They were looking specifically for a dancer
who was older to swing the show and to act as dance captain. I thought ‘Why
not”, I was in need of a change and change had presented itself. After the initial
audition, I was hired quite soon after. (To be honest, it was my teaching
skills that had got me the job). I was back! I was once again performing in the
theatre, doing what I loved, learning new things, working with wonderful
people, and was in a position that I had coveted for a long time. I was one
part performer, one part teacher, and one part management. It was for the most
part a perfect fit and for the next sixteen months I’d enjoyed the job
immensely.
Upon completion of a fabulous run, I was once again faced
with the question of “what’s next?” Having closed the show in early January
there wasn’t a lot available. Luckily I had been good with my money and was set
for a few months. I started teaching part time and decided to book myself adjudicating for numerous dance
competitions throughout the country. (Many people find this work tedious, I do
not. In fact for me, I find it inspiring. I get to travel the country and see
the next generation of dancers who by the way are wonderful and get to watch
budding young choreographers who’s ideas are original and awe inspiring).
I had also decided to put myself out there for theatre
again. I mean why not? I had just finished a huge mega musical and the doors
would no doubt swing wide open welcoming me with open arms. Right? Wrong! It
seemed no matter what I auditioned for, or what I had tried to make happen.
Once again I wasn’t the right fit. But instead of worrying about it I had
decided to take my summer, enjoy it and see what happens. I had saved my
adjudicating money so I didn’t have the pressure of getting a full time job. I
thought that maybe this was a time to train, to enjoy, and to just throw
caution to the wind and see what happens. That decision proved to be one of the
best I have ever made. I took tap and singing classes, completed a thirty day
Bikram Hot Yoga challenge, along with my teaching at a local drop in studio,
taught workshops and master classes for different summer programs, and was
quite honestly having the summer of my life. I had even decided to do a small
amount of catering which surprisingly I really enjoyed. Although I was busy,
balance had some how found a way of creeping it’s way into my life and anxiety
had become a thing of the past. For now, my workaholic nature would be put on
hold and living in the moment would be my new lifestyle of choice.
At one point I had pulled out my headshots,
(an eight by ten photo that acts as a performers calling card), and thought
okay…if I’m staying in this business it’s time for new pictures. My old
headshot was no longer a true representation of my new self. I didn’t want to
be in my forties trying to look like someone in my thirties. I let my gray hair
grow in, embraced the new person I was becoming, and headed straight to the
photographer. I had had my new shots for maybe a hot five minutes and all of a
sudden was being called in for numerous commercial auditions. I had booked a
few in my life but had never been “a contender”, so to speak, in that part of the business. The very first
commercial call I went out on I booked. I was then put on hold for another as a
Dad. Are you kidding me, me a Dad? No way! I then booked another commercial.
There I was, just the simple act of getting new headshots put me in a new
category and I had in fact become a new face. Out of four auditions I booked
two and was on hold for one. I then booked a day on a film. Suddenly it had
occurred to me that not booking any summer stock was perhaps the best thing
that could have happened to me and that once again I was re inventing myself in
the business, going out for different auditions weekly in categories I had
never even been considered for. All of a sudden the business I had worked in
for all these years, had presented new and different challenges. That’s
exciting! Once again the phrase “Everything Happens For A Reason”, (a phrase I
love to use but hate to hear), reared its ugly head making me the sole author
of a new chapter in my life. Doors did close but windows also opened…it’s just
not always the window you think it might be.
So, after twenty
eight years of dancing professionally I can tell you with absolute certainty
that the dancer I was in my twenties is very different than the dancer I have
become in my forties. Bodies change and injuries happen. Simply put, we get
older and things that we used to be able to execute with ease do become a
challenge. But at this stage of the game would I have it any other way?
Absolutely not!
So instead of
questioning every little thing that life hands to me, every job I did or didn’t
get, for now I’m just going to accept who I’ve become and to be thankful for
all this crazy business has provided me. I will do my very best not to ponder
the things that are beyond my control and to fully trust in myself and believe
with un wavering certainty, I’m exactly where I should be. I can now say with
complete honesty, that after twenty eight years of dancing and singing in
everything from Bar Mitzvahs, to musicals, to major motion pictures, I’m happy,
grateful, confused, inspired, humbled, and…NEW! Yes! I’m in my forties, still a
dancer, and I’m new!
I guess the only question left to ask is… “What will my
fifties bring?” But for now, we’ll just leave that one alone.
Stephen Findlay
So...there you have it. That was three years ago, and believe me, lots has happened since then. So stay tuned because there are a lot of good stories to follow.
Cheers
Stephen Findlay
