Letting Go of the Bad Audition

If you are in an area of entertainment industry where you must audition to "get the part", chances are you've had a bad audition. Well...welcome to the club. We all have. In fact, I have yet to meet an artist who hasn't. I felt it important to write about this very thing as a follow up to a blog I had posted previously, where in I had shared with you, some recent wonderful auditions I had had. You see, most recently, I experienced what was in my opinion, the very worst audition of my life. How did that happen? I was on a role, on my game, in the groove, I had arrived. Well it's simple, sometimes as human beings who have human flaws, we screw up, and that's exactly what I did.
The good news...I have the answers to this never happening again! The bad news...if you believe that last statement, you're incredibly gullible.
Now to be honest, something happened in the room and it threw me. What that something is, is not important. What's important is how I reacted to the situation. Instead of holding my ground and keeping my confidence, I let the situation get to me. All of a sudden I became nervous and uptight, and that was evident in my vocal production. Not good. However towards the end of the audition, I thought enough. I pulled myself together, and presented myself in a much more favourable light.

Even though the latter half of my audition was much better, I couldn't help but have that sinking feeling of blowing it. When I got to the theatre that day for work, I had decided this, "you have one day to feel sorry for yourself and sad, then that's it. This will not affect your work on the stage, and you will suck it up like an adult."Luckily my cast mates were incredibly supportive when I relayed my story to them. Most sharing with me, bad auditions they too had had in the past.

Here's the thing, looking back, I now realize that I had forgotten a few simple rules. Rules that I do my best now to live by when it comes to the audition process. The first being, "this is your audition." If you need something or something isn't clear, ask for it, nicely of course, and do not feel any less of an artist for doing so.

Secondly, everyone sitting on that panel wants you to do well. Believe me, I've sat on enough panels to know that that's the absolute truth.
Now my last rule, was passed down to me from a wonderful musical director by the name of Shelley Hanson. Shelley is an incredibly gifted M.D. and during my time with The Sound of Music was in many ways my favourite. Not because she was superior to any of our other M.D's , (when you're working at that level, they are all incredibly gifted musicians.) But what I loved about Shelley was the way she conducted. It was beautiful to watch. I used to think that if Shelley had not become a musician, she probably would have become a dancer. As soon as she lifted that baton, you could feel the music infused in all her movement. It was really quite beautiful to watch. One day while doing a coaching, she said to me "You know Stephen, the only thing you can control in the room is what you present and how you present it." She went on to say that other than that, you have no control over what other people may think or feel. Now, of course I'm abbreviating, but that was basically our conversation. Now honestly, even though in the back of my mind I knew that, it never really hit home  like it did when she said it.
So there you have it. Had my head been in a different space, and if I had remembered the rules I personally try to follow, the out come of that day would have been very different. But it wasn't.

That day, while perusing Facebook, I had come upon one of those inspirational sayings that at first glance, felt that it must have been posted just for me. The saying is as follows;

                                                                 Optimist
Someone who figures that taking a step backward after having taken a step forward, is not a disaster, it's more like a Cha-Cha.
I thought that couldn't be more perfect and have now re-posted that very saying numerous times.
As artists, for the most part, when auditioning we feel incredibly vulnerable and at the mercy of those eyes staring back at us from behind the casting table. It's who we are...the business breeds it. We are constantly told not to take it personally but we do, why,  because our product is very personal, it's ourselves. We do this despite knowing in our logical mind, that all these things are true. Why...because we're human beings that's why. Honestly, if we were that void of emotion, we probably wouldn't be very interesting to watch, and probably wouldn't be in this business. But we are, and when it's good, it's great!
After a few days had passed I had thought to myself, as bad as I felt my audition was, it certainly does not negate the good auditions that I have had recently. Nor does it negate the work I've done in the past. I will not let the past cripple me in the present. But maybe next time, I'll go over my simple rules on auditioning, take a few risks, and not give over my power to anything. So...there you have it. If these rules don't resonate with you...make up your own. There really is no one answer for everyone as everyone is unique. That is something none of us should forget.

Sincerely Stephen Findlay A.K.A. The Oldest Male Chorus Dancer in Toronto