Learning to be Grateful...Still

This past Sunday morning, as I woke with the sun streaming through my bedroom window, my very first thought of the day was "I need to be more grateful." Admittedly, this thought caught me totally off guard...I mean come on...everyone's aware that I carry with me, the persona of that upbeat, driven, positive person, who's been extremely grateful for all of my "very cool" life experiences. It also caught me off guard as my first thought of the day usually has something to do with coffee or urination...sometimes both.
Now given the news of the past week, be it political, tragic, or the culmination of both those things, I am an extremely grateful human being. For the most part, I do take a moment out every day to be extremely thankful for the very interesting life I've led and will continue to lead. I feel blessed that I have a passion, that I've been able to maintain a career in the arts in Canada, that I have great friends, a wonderful partner, that I've been able to travel extensively, that I had a relationship with my pet Cat, Miss Celi, for almost twenty two years before she passed, hell...I'm even grateful when transit is on time. Bottom line...I do not take things for granted. So what was it that made me wake that day with the need to be grateful?  It was then I realized this; I am continually looking for my "next cool experience" which usually has something to do with work or travel. In fact, I can fixate on it. Now in my opinion, there isn't much wrong with having this kind of drive or desire except for one simple thing...rarely do I take time to celebrate my accomplishments. It seems that lately, I have become that person who is rarely satisfied with what I've been given. Now, when I'm in the moment, I am extremely grateful, but as soon as that moment is done...I'm on to the next, continually "putting it out there" that I need something "really wonderful" to happen for me, that I need and want my next "great adventure." It was then I realized that in the past few weeks alone, I have had a lot of amazing life experiences, and maybe just for a moment...a few minutes even, I can stop, take pride, and be thankful for them...and I'm only talking about the last few weeks.

Backstage at for The Irving Berlin Evening at The Toronto Centre for the Arts

So I did it. I made a list in my mind of all the things I was grateful for, all of my "cool life experiences" in the past few weeks. I was surprised at the amount of great things that had happened. Between being taken on a cruise, having my choreography on stage at The Toronto Centre of the Arts, (being performed for a sold out house for a benefit for The Harold Green Jewish Theatre), having the students of Sheridan College execute the work with as much presicion and panache as any professional I know, having a much needed, wonderful assistant for this process, booking an industrial, booking some extra teaching for George Brown College, asked to come and guest teach at another studio, the list seemed endless. It was at this moment I thought that at times, I need to step back, relax, and just enjoy.

Another cast picture backstage for The Irving Berlin Night. They were truly wonderful

Now as I said, I do enjoy and am grateful in the moment, but once the moment is gone, I'm on to the next. Make no mistake, I don't think that's an entirely bad way of being. After all, this business breeds that kind of mentality. We're all aware of the expression "You are only as good as your last job." Well, there is a lot of truth to that expression as far as the entertainment business is concerned. It's also smart not to rest on your laurels. I've always been of the mind that complacency, halts growth, and can be the beginning of one's demise as an artist. Yet at the same time, I realized that in my never ending quest for all things wonderful, interesting, and down right cool, maybe I can relax just a little bit each day, and celebrate the fact that although I don't have everything I've ever wanted, and haven't done everything I want to do, things are actually pretty great...and there's still time!                                                                          

In writing this blog, I have come to a few realizations one of them being this; As an artist, none of us are only as "good as our last job." Think about it,  not only artistically, but on a purely human level, we all have something of great value yet to be offered. So yes, strive to do your personal best, don't become complacent, stay aware, stay interested, stay interesting, but maybe every once in a while, take some time out to be grateful and I will do the same.

Sincerely Stephen Scott Findlay

A.K.A. The Oldest Male Chorus Dancer in Toronto

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Humility, Humanity, and other Life Lessons

You know, most people say to me "You are always so up beat and positive. I never see you in a bad mood." Well know this, because I am human, and like everyone else, incredibly flawed, my bad moods do exist and come in varying degrees of temperament.  If you don't believe me, I can present a few choice individuals who will gladly back up this claim. I guess I've just become quite good at not bringing it in to my work place and when I enter a dance studio, things change and my mood becomes considerably brighter. But rest assured, I can be as cranky as the next person.
Now, my mantra for this week, which I've had to revisit no less than a hundred times is this; "I am a highly skilled individual." In fact, I'm saying it to myself as I write. Ha!

My early years as a ballet dancer in rehearsal with Ballet North

Before I go on, I'll let you in on a little secret...I do not posses a lot of formal education. It's not really something I'm embarrassed about or proud of, it's just fact. You see, growing up, my background was very typical of many from my generation. My father was an alcoholic, ruined his career, and my parents divorced. My mother worked extremely hard to keep our family afloat, and to her credit, I never once felt like I was missing out on anything. I knew from a very young age that if I was to make anything of myself, it was going to be as a dancer. Although I was pretty good in school, I knew my future was not to be one of academics. (Somehow I know my mother felt the same and was always very supportive. Also, my father, in his later years, had had a lot of regret, one of which he was never able to tell me how proud he was of me and what I had achieved. When he died, I was sent a box of newspaper clippings and memorabilia which he had saved throughout my career. He may have had his short comings, but deep down, he was innately good.) At seventeen I was accepted into a professional program in a ballet school, in a city, three hours from where we lived. Fantastic! However, given that  there was very little money to send me away, I had decided to leave school and work so that I could train in what I was meant to do. That's right, at seventeen years of age, I held down a job, an apartment and went to ballet school five days a week. Now, even though this has worked out for me, I do not recommend it for others. Simply put, it was the hand I was dealt. I took a risk, and it payed off. Having said all this, I am highly educated in what I do. I have had the good fortune to train with some of the best teachers in Canada as well as the U.S.A. I have worked in many major centres in North America, and have had a career in dance that has been more diverse than most people in the industry today. I also continue to educate myself in this industry as much as time and finances allow. All in all, it's been a good ride, and I don't regret the choices I made.

Let's get to the point of this post shall we. I've always known that as an artist, that things will always be up and down and that quite often you'll be forced to take on other work to pay the bills. I am certainly no exception to this rule, or rather, this way of life. I've usually been really good about it, in fact, in the past, I've even had a lot of fun and have met incredibly interesting people in all my "Joe Jobs." So why the sudden change last week? Now I'm not sure if it's my impending fiftieth birthday that's right around the corner, or if my slightly impatient nature was rearing it's ugly head, but all the while, as I was hanging up coats as guests were arriving at this function I was catering at,  I had to keep saying to myself over and over, "I am a highly skilled individual." The next night, while working yet another catering event, the same thing... While the people who were trying to make the event run as smoothly as possible were getting all up in arms about the most minute, unimportant, details, I kept having to remind myself, " I am a highly skilled individual." Sadly, the night that followed, another catering event, the exact same thing with one exception...the tension at this event was so thick, you'd need a chainsaw to cut through it. In all my years, I had never experienced a choice group of individuals so wound up about something that should be of very little stress, it was mind blowing. Once again, in the midst of serving chicken and beef, while tempers flared, and voices became raised yelling "I need those brownies out on the tables NOW!", I kept saying over and over to myself "I am a highly skilled individual."

Now society, as we know it, has become of the collective mind and thought, that experiences such as the ones described above are all put in to motion to teach us something. That experiences such as the ones above, are really just life lessons disguised as obstacles to help us grow as spiritual beings. I too, am usually of this mind set. But given my mood while all of this was happening, I kept thinking "What in the, F#*K am I supposed to learn from all of this?" (I am a highly skilled individual.) Well, to be truthful...I don't know yet. I'm sure it will all make sense one day, but as of now, whatever the bigger picture is supposed to be, has yet to be revealed. That is, if there is a bigger picture... Who knows.

One thing I know for sure is this; life, as we know it, has a way of stepping in and keeping us humble when needed. When we  get slightly pompous about what we do, who we are, or what position we may hold, we can all benefit from a little humility.
Life has also taught me that no matter what position you are in, professionally or personally, it's always a good thing to keep our humanity in check. I have been in a position of power a number of times in my life and have always felt it was of the utmost importance to treat all individuals with dignity, kindness, and respect. So, if nothing else, last week was a good reminder of all those things.

I was able to make it back to dance class today. (Thank God!) One thing that was confirmed for me this morning was this; When I'm in the studio, whether I'm dancing, teaching, choreographing, or even just watching, that's when I'm at my very best. With fifty fast approaching, I have had this goal of wanting not only to be dancing at this ripe old age as far as this profession is concerned, but dancing well and dancing hard. It is without a doubt that I am going to achieve this, and in fact will spend my fiftieth birthday on stage. For that, I am extremely grateful.  However, looming in the back of my mind is the thought that my current state of dancing well and hard, will not last forever. (I am a highly skilled individual.) Make no mistake, fifty is old for a dancer and I am certainly the exception, not the rule. I can't help but think I'm being prepared for whatever the next step in this crazy, nutty, journey may be. At least, that's what I'm putting out there and that's what I'm hoping for. "I am a highly skilled individual."

Backstage during Oliver this past summer

So...is there a big lesson here or not? I don't know...the jury is still out on this one. I guess both humanity and humility are great lessons regardless of size, and that no matter what, there will always be opportunities, disguised as obstacles to keep us on track.

So...enjoy the week, and now that I have officially removed my "Cranky Pants", I will endeavour to do the same.

Sincerely Yours- Stephen Scott Findlay

A.K.A. The Oldest Male Chorus Dancer in Toronto.