It's a Hard Knock Life, Social Media Matters, It's Not Me, It's Them, and Other Clever Anecdotes

Hi all, it's nice to be back. I haven't written a post in a while, but have been putting a few on the back burner. When I first started this blog, I posted much more frequently. But given that I had said so much, and felt that I had covered so much, I usually only post when inspiration hits. Oddly enough, inspiration can be drawn from many unlikely sources.

So, you've been treated unjustly, life has not been fair, and you feel victimised by the business. Well, congratulations, you've made it! You have now entered that elite group of thespians known as EVERY ACTOR IN THE WORLD. I'm not kidding. There isn't one actor I know of on this planet, who has not felt that way at one time or another. The bad news is, that feeling never fully goes away. The good news however, is that if we are smart, we do learn how to deal with those feelings/situations when they arise.

Full disclosure here, when I was younger, I used to hang on to every single audition I did. If I felt I deserved it, and didn't book it, I was a wreck. If I didn't get to audition for something that I felt I should have, I was furious. Sometimes I could hang on to these feelings for days, and more often than not, I felt that I was a victim of someone else's poor judgement, or that I was being denied something that I rightfully deserved. Now eight times out of ten, when I saw the person in the show, who was cast instead of me, I understood it immediately. The other two times, well...in my mind it was usually nepotism, or a casting mistake. But even then, that's an opinion, and not necessarily how others would see it.

Over the years, somehow, I've just learnt how to deal with it better. It's actually not any one thing I did, but rather, I've just gained a maturity and a wider scope of knowledge, when it comes to casting, and really, human nature. Now, when I finish an audition, if I did my best, I've felt that I've done my job, and do my best to forget about it. In which, I'd say, my success rate is about ninety percent. The truth is, if you're feeling that you're a victim in a casting situation, the reality is, you're probably the only one.

I remember the first time I felt victimised. I was nineteen years old and auditioning for the Alberta Ballet Company. At the end of what I felt was a great audition, the artistic director took me to his office and proceeded to tell me that I'd never be a ballet dancer because of the lack of stretch in my feet. He then proceeded to suggest, that I have them broken, to improve the look/stretch of them. Imagine that, telling a nineteen year old child, (if I'm being honest), to break bones in his body, to improve his chances of getting a job. I totally felt victimised, both by my feet, and by his lack of vision. But the truth is, he didn't feel that way, from his perspective,  he felt he was doing me a favour, and my feet, well, they couldn't help it.

As a young ballet dancer, I never had great feet, but I really had a great jump.

Now that was the first time. Over the years, there have been many, many, many times, (yes, that was three many's), that I felt victimised by the business. Although I was always extremely emotional about any given situation, I was always pretty good at hiding those emotions, and usually put on a good game face... except from the people who directly surrounded me. Sadly, they had to endure all of it, and it wasn't pretty. (Ugh, sorry you guys.) I get it, it's tough. I've always felt that along with all the singing, acting, dancing, clowning, and whatever else they may teach you in theatre school, the one thing they all need to touch on, is how to deal with rejection, and what not to do.

Now I can't really tell you to not have feelings or to not feel victimised, all of that is personal, and everyone, I think, needs to come to dealing with those things, on their own terms. I mean really, we're actors, which usually translates to "the most insecure beings ever." What I can tell you is, that it's probably not in your best interest, to post about it on Social Media.
Social Media can be a wonderful thing. It's a great marketing tool, it's free, it can be a lot of fun, and can really serve you in so many ways. But getting caught up in posts that render you the victim, is not serving you, your career, or your mental health in a positive light.

Now, I am certainly not without guilt. At times I could be the worst. Up until not that long ago, I could get in to arguments on Social Media feeds, dealing with whatever the hot political topic of the day was, that seemed to go on indefinitely. In such arguments, I could be like a dog with a bone, and if I felt I was right, I could be relentless. I soon came to realize, that these arguments on a public forum, were extremely toxic by nature, and in the end, served absolutely no one. As a good friend of mine put it "We seem to be doing a lot of talking at each other, and not to each other." Not to mention, everyone sees them. Yes, your SOCIAL MEDIA MATTERS. Thank goodness, there was no social media around at the height of all my actor related neurosis... Oh my, I'd still be making amends.

If I could suggest, that the next time you're feeling victimised by the business, and want to post about it on social media. Stop, and take a breath. Write it down in long hand and read it back to yourself a few times. After that, read it aloud a few times. Now, if you still feel like posting, imagine that every single producer, director, musical director, choreographer, dance captain, casting agent, and agent, that you ever wanted to work with, is on your feed reading this. Now not only are they reading  your woes of victimisation, they're injecting it with tone. Probably not the tone you had intended, but rather their interpretation. (Which we all do. I'm sure every single person reading this post, is injecting it with tone right now. It's impossible not to.) Now if you still want to post on Social Media, fill your boots. But do know, what you post, can have unfavourable consequences, and the last thing any actor needs is a bad reputation, based on what very well could be, a knee jerk reaction.

Make no mistake,  I'm not saying there is no validity to your feelings, or your particular situation. Sometimes things can happen, and yes, sometimes we are the victims of our circumstance, and it can really suck. I'm also not telling you not to vent. Sometimes venting or having a good cry, can be the best thing for us. As long as we don't live in that negative place, it can be quite cathartic. All I'm saying is, choose your venue, and your audience, wisely. Consider going for a glass of wine or for coffee with a friend, and maybe use them as your sounding board. Chances are, they will be a much more empathetic, than your social media following. You can also channel that negativity in a positive way, by putting all that energy in to your work, for the betterment of your craft. After all, we're actors, we need to be able to draw upon all those feelings, at any given time.
Now, I've been quite forthcoming with the fact, that I too, have fallen victim to the rabbit hole of Social Media. I too, have felt victimised by the business, and I too have dealt with things poorly. Even now, if I see a hot topic on facebook that I'm dying to chime in on, I take a step back, take a deep breath, and do my very best to keep scrolling down.
As it is in life, the business, of our business, is not always fair. But really, whoever said it was? For as long as you stay in it, there will always be situations, that feel unjust or unfair. What can determine your success as both an artist, and a human being, is how you choose to deal with these situations when they arise. Now, I know many of you are thinking, yes, but you've had a very long, and a pretty blessed career. Yes, I have. You're right. I've also kept my skills sharp, worked very hard, and deserved every single thing I've ever got, and somehow, still managed to whine a bit along the way.
As I've progressed, I've also managed to be very honest with myself, my abilities, my weaknesses, and insecurities. Looking back, most of the time I felt the victim, I wasn't. More often than not, the people in the position to hire you, don't have "victimising actors" on their to do list. They have much more important things to deal with.

without each other, our light begins to fade

It's no secret, I have a lot of miles on me. Currently, this is my thirty fourth year in the business. I've seen a lot, and have done a lot. For a lot of you reading this, I've actually been in the business longer than many of you have been alive. We all know life isn't easy and we always don't get dealt the best hand. When we do have those times in which our dreams are fulfilled, it can feel euphoric. But when it's the opposite, it can be a pretty hard place to be. At this juncture in life, one of the most important things in my mind, is that we are there for each other, and in support of each other. There's a lot going on in the world right now, that is much more important than that Tim Horton's commercial, or that summer stock production of Mama Mia you just auditioned for. Don't believe me, then turn on the news, and see how the people of Mexico City or Puerto Rico are doing. If that seems far off, there are many places right outside your back door that you can look to. I can't tell you what to do, but if you're an actor actively wanting to work, perhaps keeping your social media in a more positive light, may serve you better in the long run.
Lets wrap this up, shall we; What we do is a wonderful, exciting, maddening, exhilarating, giving, narcissistic, exhausting, healing, painful, emotional, and definitely not for the faint of heart, rollercoaster of a journey. There are many bumps, hills, and sharp turns along the way. At times, it can feel like the most glorious profession in the world, and at times it can feel hopeless. But know this, as long as there are actors, there's an acting community, that will be there for you, and help lift you up, when you are down. No matter who you are in the business, what we do, is an ensemble effort, and if we don't have each other, our light begins to fade.
So, lets take care of each other, support each other, lend an ear, and don't be afraid to give someone a loving kick in the ass when they need it, and I will do the same.

Stephen Findlay

A.K.A. - The Oldest Male Chorus Dancer, (who's managed to now break out of the chorus), in Toronto